How to Make Decisions When You Struggle to Put Yourself First

Many people have a hard time making decisions because, when it comes time to choose, they always put others’ needs, expectations, or emotions first. The fear of disappointing others, seeming selfish, or triggering conflict outweighs their own well-being. And while it may look like an act of kindness or emotional maturity, it often hides a deeper pattern of self-abandonment.

The burden of pleasing others over caring for yourself
Prioritizing others can seem noble, but when it becomes a habit that silences your own desires and needs, it starts to take a toll. It’s easy to fall into the trap of “I’m okay as long as everyone else is okay,” but the truth is—you can’t support anyone if you’re disconnected from yourself. Decisions that should be simple—like saying no, setting boundaries, or choosing a different path—become distressing due to an internal conflict: Am I doing the right thing by thinking of myself?

This kind of thinking often stems from past experiences where putting yourself first was punished with rejection, guilt, or abandonment. If, as a child, you learned that your worth came from being helpful or pleasing others, then as an adult you might feel that choosing yourself is a form of betrayal. But it’s not. Thinking of yourself is not selfish—it’s emotional survival.

Choosing yourself is also an act of love
Learning to make decisions that prioritize your well-being doesn’t mean you stop caring about others. It means you stop erasing yourself. Start by asking yourself honestly: Is this good for me? Am I deciding out of fear or desire? What would happen if I chose what I truly need today—without guilt?

Sometimes all it takes is a small shift: taking time before you answer, saying “I need to think about it,” or simply acknowledging that you have the right to change your mind. Each of these decisions strengthens your self-worth.

If you find yourself stuck between what you should do and what you truly want, it may be time to work through that struggle at its root. You’re not alone in this. We can help you make decisions rooted in self-love—without guilt. Book a session with us and let’s start putting you first, together.