How to Stop Making Promises Just to Feel Worthy

Some people live by making promises. They commit to everything, say yes to every request, vow to change, to help, to be there—even when they feel exhausted inside or aren’t even sure they want to do it. They don’t promise out of bad intentions. They promise because, in some way, they believe that’s how they earn affection, worth, or the right to be loved.

Promising as a strategy to earn love
In these cases, promises become a form of validation. It’s as if love and acceptance only come in exchange for something: effort, sacrifice, unconditional giving. Many people grew up in environments where they felt valuable only when they met others’ expectations. So they learned to offer their whole selves just to avoid being abandoned.

Over time, this pattern becomes draining. The person overcommits, feels guilty when they can’t follow through, and lives with a constant sense of not being enough. Because no matter how much they do, it never seems to be enough. The problem isn’t in the promise that wasn’t kept—but in the wound that made you believe you need to give too much to feel worthy.

Learning to say less and care for yourself more
Breaking this cycle means learning to set boundaries, respect your own pace, and accept that you don’t need to prove your worth through constant commitments. Start by asking yourself: Is this promise coming from my desire or my need to be accepted? What would happen if I didn’t commit? Who am I without always trying to prove myself?

Saying “I can’t,” “not today,” or “I need to think about it” may feel scary at first—but it’s a powerful act of self-love. Little by little, you’ll see that the people who truly care for you don’t need grand promises—just your genuine presence.

If you feel trapped in this pattern—if you promise more than you can handle just to feel loved—we’re here to help. Book a session with us. Healing this wound is possible.