The Internal Promises That Still Sabotage Your Decisions

Sometimes you don’t understand why making certain decisions is so hard, why you postpone important changes, or why you keep repeating patterns that have already hurt you. It’s not always fear, insecurity, or lack of clarity. Very often, what’s sabotaging your present are internal promises you made without realizing it. Promises you made as a child during difficult moments— and that you are still unconsciously keeping today.

These promises aren’t conscious agreements but emotional conclusions born from pain: “I’ll never trust anyone again,” “I’ll prove I can do it on my own,” “I’ll never be like my mother/father,” “I must protect everyone,” “I won’t let anyone see me weak.” They are invisible pacts you made to survive emotionally— and now they’re keeping you from living freely.

Promises born from pain, not choice

When we’re young and go through abandonment, rejection, pressure, or humiliation, the brain tries to protect us. One way it does this is by creating internal rules— thoughts, behaviors, or beliefs meant to keep us safe. The problem is that these rules get stored as absolute truths, even when they no longer serve us.

That’s why some people can’t trust, even if they want to. They can’t ask for help, even if they need it. They can’t allow themselves to rest, enjoy, fall in love, or change— because somewhere deep inside, a promise says: “If you do that, you’ll get hurt again.” And the mind, thinking it’s protecting you, sabotages every attempt to move forward.

These internal promises operate silently. You don’t see them— but they shape your life. They make you act out of duty, not desire. They push you to repeat relationships that confirm your worldview, even if they hurt. They keep you loyal to your past, but disloyal to yourself.

Breaking those promises is an act of emotional freedom

The first step to breaking these internal pacts is to recognize them. Ask yourself: What rules am I still following that no longer make sense? What promises did I make— and to whom? What part of me still believes it needs protection from something that’s already over?

In therapy, we work to identify these promises, understand where they came from, and help you rewrite them from your adult self. Because you’re no longer that child who needed to defend themselves. Today, you can care for yourself from awareness— not from repetition.

Breaking an internal promise doesn’t mean betraying your story— it means honoring it in a new way. It’s telling your past: “Thank you for keeping me safe. But now, I choose a different way to live.”