How to Stop Using Love for Others as a Way to Escape Yourself

Love is a beautiful experience, but it can also become a form of avoidance. Many people pour themselves entirely into caring for, loving, and attending to others as a way to avoid looking inward. They appear generous, devoted, indispensable… but deep down, they’re running from their own inner emptiness.

When loving others becomes a refuge from feeling yourself
Giving everything for someone else might seem noble, but when it becomes your only source of meaning, it's a red flag. Maybe you feel like your life falls apart if you have no one to care for. Maybe your identity depends on whether or not you're in a relationship. Or maybe you become emotionally involved too quickly, hoping that someone else’s love will fill what you don’t know how to give yourself.

Loving this way isn’t true love—it’s escape. Because the more you focus on others, the less space you have to listen to your own pain. Often, behind this excessive giving are deep wounds: abandonment, low self-esteem, or the belief that you’re not enough unless you’re doing something for someone else.

Coming back to yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential
Stopping the escape means starting to look within. Ask yourself: What do I feel when I’m alone? Why is it so hard to be with myself without needing someone else? What am I avoiding seeing in me by focusing so much on others?

Loving in a healthy way requires being present with yourself first. You can’t give true love if the love you give is just a way to run away. Start building a relationship with yourself—one based on care, not criticism. Learn to be with yourself, not to punish, but to listen.

If you feel like you’re losing yourself in others and don’t know how to return to you, we’re here to help. Book a session with us and begin that journey back to yourself. Self-love can be learned.