What to Do If You Can’t Handle Feeling Good for Too Long
Some people, when things start going well, can’t help but sabotage their
own well-being. A healthy relationship, a moment of emotional calm, a period of
stability… and suddenly, anxiety, conflict, or the urge to ruin it all shows
up. It’s not a coincidence. Some people can’t tolerate feeling good because
their emotional system has become accustomed to chaos, pain, or suffering as a
comfort zone.
When well-being feels dangerous
This often happens when a person has lived much of their life on high alert. If
you grew up in unpredictable environments, were taught that “if something
feels too good, it’s bound to go wrong,” or had to adapt to pain as a
constant, your body and mind may interpret well-being as a threat. Not out of
stubbornness—but as a form of protection.
In these moments of peace or happiness, guilt may appear (“Do I
deserve this?”), fear (“This can’t last”), or the impulse to
self-sabotage (“I’d rather ruin it myself before it hurts later”). As
contradictory as it may seem, your mind believes it’s safer to return to
familiar pain than to open up to the unknown.
Learning to inhabit peace without guilt
Breaking this pattern means re-educating your emotional system. Start by
identifying when you’re sabotaging yourself. What do you think or do right when
you start to feel good? What beliefs arise in that moment? It’s important to
validate your fear—but also to challenge it. You can tell yourself: “This is
new for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.”
Learn to stay in calm without needing to create drama. Building
emotional well-being means learning to tolerate peace—not just surviving pain.
And yes, it also means forgiving yourself for ever believing you didn’t deserve
it.
If you feel like every time things go well, something inside you ruins
it—you’re not alone. This pattern can be changed. Book a session with us and
let us help you feel good… and stay there.
